Momma

Momma you told me there’d be days like this

When I would just want to yell fuck the world

 

Even when it seems like I am the last ant in the hole and no one outside could hear me

Days when I’d feel like I’m in between an echo

Somewhere between lost and dissonance

 

Momma you told me there’d be days like this

When your hugs wouldn’t be warm enough to sweat the pain away

When your shoulder wouldn’t be dense enough to contain the volume of my tears

When your ears wouldn’t have enough inner surface area to contain all of my pain

When your heart wasn’t big enough to soak in all of my sorrows.

 

 

Momma told me there’d be days where the world felt like it had stopped spinning

And I was on the brink of falling off of the globe

forever lost in deep space

Like my mind in this state

 

But my mom never told me that it would hurt this bad

She never told me that my tears would feel like boulders falling faster then newton’s law of gravity

Falling faster than the speed of light the speed of life

the speed of death

faster than the dark approaches the night

But still as slow as the minute hand when the battery dies

I was

Never prepared for this confusion

 

Momma Never told me that my heart would feel like a thousand shattered mirrors capturing the reflection of my soul and looking at me dead in my face at the same dam time

One of those laugh house rooms

Where all the mirrors on me

All the mirrors laughing at

All eyes lead to…..me

 

She

Never told me that my voice would feel like a broken wireless mic forever searching for the right frequency to be heard

Like speakers that shorted never to be able to play their purpose, sitting in the back of their stage just worthless

A guitar with no strings, a clarinet without a reed

She never told me I’d feel like dark silence

 

Momma right now I feel empty, abandoned,  and mute

I feel as though I missed one of your lessons

Was I just not paying attention momma

Can we just go back to when your voice was the remedy to everything when you didn’t allow me to cry, when the things that went bump in the night and never actually got close

Momma are you still there

 

 

 

 

 

 

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